I'm a Pirate
by loomweaver
Summary: And now for something completely different. No poetic, yet absolutely useless and undescriptive summary for you. What's it about? Jack being Jack, of course. Jack is the only element to crossover Halkeginia, though. Should've been rated T for 'PiraTe', but rated M for 'I don't care and like to play it safe'.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: [text] for thoughts. Enjoy.

* * *

Smoke and dust began to settle down on the clearing. The summoning ritual was complete, and Louise strained herself in a manner not unlike the bow ready to release its arrow into a wild flight, awaiting for a clear view of a familiar she summoned. She held her breath, silently making plea to Brimir so that her familiar would be most magnificent, most elegant, most powerful and most impressive of one summoned. She could be easily understood, as for the whole duration of her life in this academy she always suffered failures, and wanted to prove her capability as a wizard.

Author would like to make his one and only opinion of relevance in this story that if the summoning ritual was perfect and would've summoned precisely the familiar she needed and could sympathize with, she would've ended up with a certain 'wizzard', whose achievements were numerous and known at the Discworld, yet nature of those achievements was not so valiant and noble as one might think. However, this is a story for another time and place.

And thus, unfortunately, Louise's expectations were betrayed.

"...A man?"  
Yes, a man. This man, no, the familiar that she summoned was interesting, to say the least. He looked like a man of sea, his hair braided into dreadlocks, his appearance weary, yet full of life. A rusty cutlass attached onto his belt confirmed her opinion of him as some kind of sailor, who was rather experienced both in sailing and battles alike. And he had, of all things, handcuffs covering his wrists! At this sight, crowd immediately began to gossip the implications. Of course, it all led to the single question, which Louise was currently asking herself.

[Did I summon a commoner? No, wait did I summon a criminal?]

"My name is Louise Francoise Le Blanc de La Valliere! You were summoned to, to serve, to serve as..."  
Noticing his indifferent look and a raised brow, she slowly quieted down and completely dropped any explanation of situation she was trying to do.  
"Hello, can you understand me?"  
As he shook his head and shrugged his shoulders, she felt fury flaring up inside. Oh, just great! Not only she summoned a mere commoner as her familiar, but it seemed like he couldn't understand her! Louises's shoulders slumped in defeat, as accepted yet another failure of hers.

"...Can't I summon once more, Monsieur Colbert?" Her query held a cautious note.  
"As you know, the tradition stands on this ritual. You can't just redo the summoning, and it's your responsibility to either make this man your familiar, or remain without one at all." Colbert's tone was merciless. "Although, you certainly proved your magical abilities-"

"Isn't this man just some dirty sailor that Louise hired of the street for a few ecu?" Kirche sneered. "Or, rather, she just threatened and coerced him into playing her familiar!" Discordant laughter roared through the gathered crowd.  
Louise the rage consume her, as she walked up right to the red-headed bimbo.  
"You! Your slanderous insinuations will not be tolerated! If you will-"  
"Silence! Mademoiselle Valliere, please, complete the contract with your summoned familiar." Colbert ordered.  
"A-ah, y-yes, of c-course." Louise's enraged expression turned into one of fluster, as she reluctantly walked away from her adversary and to the man she summoned.

This man smelled completely awful! Stench of alcohol from his mouth was overwhelming, and a strong smell of dirt and sweat permeated his clothing.  
However, this was no time for hesitation, she thought. Her pride as a practitioner of magic was at stakes here. She persevered as hard as she could and intoned the standard formula.

"Pentagon that governs the five powers, give this being your blessing and make it my familiar spirit."  
Louise leaned upwards and forward towards man's face, and their lips connected ...not?

* * *

This was certainly not the first time he awoke in unfamiliar surroundings. Even not counting those delicate accidents he had with women of certain profession in Tortuga, he had plenty experience of much weirder situations than waking up in the middle of some sort of castle, surrounded by children who looked like they dressed up for some kind of weird ball. It wasn't like this situation was bad, considering that the last time he fell asleep, he was held by two rather muscular officers, who were accompanying him into a cell for various... misbehaviors and disagreements with local governmental figures. Well, it's not like those nobles needed trinkets he came into possession of, albeit, for a limited time. He was lucky they didn't have time to confiscate his possessions. His cutlass, a flintlock hidden on his body and the compass remained untouched. However, his hat was lost. He ought to get a new one, he thought, making a mental note.

He sniffed the air, but the aroma of salt was nonexistent, and breeze was fresh and smelled of nature. Yep, definitely not anywhere around the sea. And seeing that there was no land large enough in a month worth of sailing on his ship, he hazarded a guess that magic was involved. Definitely not the first time in his life, and most likely not the last one.

He took a closer look at surroundings' details. He was standing inside of a pentagon written into a circle, obviously a magic one. Said circle was situated on a clearing, which was currently surrounded by a crowd of people in cloaks. His sharp eyes immediately singled out the wands in hands and holsters of the children.

[Interesting. Voodoo magic, I'm familiar with firsthand, but wand magic? That's a stuff of legends and fairy tales. Well, apparently, not so anymore. And what the hell's with those weird animals?]

Every person had some kind of animal near them. He wasn't fazed with normal stuff, even though frogs and moles were unusual to be kept as pets, but, apparently, there were some legendary beasts residing here. Salamander, dragon, gryphon - that was just a small part of- wait, is that a giant floating eyeball?

Now, about what he was hearing. Obviously, no seashore sounds, nor cries of seagulls he was used to. Little girl with pink hair captured his attention for trying to address him, but he decided to play ignorant to have better assessment of situation. People say most outrageous and secret things in front of other people, if they think that they aren't understood. People around were speaking in an interesting variation of French dialect. He paid attention to the words uttered by the crowd, trying to pick out tidbits of information relevant to his situation. Apparently, his appearance was unplanned here, which, however, he realized, wasn't a reason for either reassurance or panic. Apparently, this little girl in front of him summoned him to serve as her familiar of all things, as a test of worth of her studious pursuits, and this crowd, he guessed were more or less some kind of magical students.

[Now, isn't that fascinating, huh? And most likely, this summoning comes with some kind of contract, which makes me completely obedient.]

Yep, exactly, he thought, as he overheard the 'complete contract' bit.  
As some of you might know, there was only one thing that this man put before everything else. Well, except for the safety of his scurvy hide, he thought. That thing was freedom. His mind raced through the options available.

[Okay, returning me back is a no-go, unless I want to spend some more time inside of that luxurious cell. Returning me back, but not exactly into a cell is good enough.]

He mentally underlined that option for further contemplation.

[Staying here, however, is a less likeable option. Either I play it safe and accept the contract and everything that ensues, or refuse and suffer consequences.]

He reckoned that if there was a way to remove contract later, he should play it safe and- Wait, was that little girl trying to kiss him?  
He narrowly dodged her face, stopping their lips from interlocking. Girl in front of him looked confused, finding only air where his face once was. She tried to kiss him once again, only to miss once more. Laughter boomed through the crowd, and unrestrained rage found its way on her face.  
Damage control time, he thought, dropping his ignorance charade.

"Well, it's all interesting and fancy, I'm sure, but why is this lass trying to smack our lips together? Not that I would object as a respectable", pirate, he thought, "privateer to doing that with someone riper, I assure you." Like that tanned lady with a pompous mop of ginger hair, he mentally added, singling out and admiring the look of one particularly ripe person with some generous... assets. He made a mental note that he would find some time to have a more... private talk with that girl.

His announcement caused a miniature version of primordial chaos among the crowd. Whisper went through the crowd, full of agitation and excitement.  
"You can understand me?" Lass's question had a hint of shock and disbelief.  
"Of course not, mademoiselle, uh, Louise something or another, was it? You are just hearing things."  
Stupid question - stupid answer, he reckoned. After a moment of hesitation, her blank gaze turned into one full of righteous fury.  
"H-how dare you address me in such a manner?! You're just a commoner! Who are you to speak to me like that?!"  
"Stupid question - stupid answer." His words mirrored his previous thoughts. "Now then, can anyone answer my question, loud and clear?", he said, addressing everyone present, ignoring the girl.

"Ah, if you allow me to explain." Colbert began to bustle about. "Oh, by the way, my name is Jean Colbert, and I'm a teacher in, well, our institution which tutors mages. This happening that you became inadvertently involved with is a sacred ritual called Springtime Familiar Summoning, which every student of our institution, namely, the Tristain Academy of Magic, partakes in. It consists of-"  
"Summoning familiar, I'm assured", buccaneer interrupted, "and it looks like it was me who was summoned. You've got to think up some other kind of test for their abilities than fetching a human out of nowhere, even if he has unfinished business." Granted, he didn't have any, but, nonetheless, his prideful 'captain' part was utterly angered with such lack of regard for consequences.  
"Yes, that's absolutely correct. Like you already most likely noticed, these students here have already summoned their familiars." The Flame Serpent felt need to elaborate further on the situation. "However, you see, human summoning is rather unusual in regard that it never happened before."

"Well, that's at least implicit slavery", especially, for brats who weren't old enough to even grow a beard, he thought, "out of the way. I mean, anything is better than this, right?" He held up his hand to show handcuffs and imply that he was enslaved. Smirk grew and shrank momentarily on corsair's face, as he observed a noticeable flinch on everyone's faces as they realized the implications of his lie. Yeah, pampered bastards who never had to endure even a moment of hardship, or even to take a moment to ponder about it, and nobody with proper experience of actual slavery, thus making it sure they won't be able to catch him lying, he asserted. "So, fancy talkin' to you here, but now is the time where you send me back and everyone is satisfied, seeing as I just escaped those bastards, was picked up by honorable crew, and had my life starting anew eh, lads?" Complete bullshit, he mentally laughed, his face, however, remained unfazed throughout this announcement.

"A-ah, um, unfortunately", Colbert's tone was hesitant and nervous, "I don't think that there is such a way. As I said, such a happening is completely unprecedented, and seeing as there was never a need to send familiar back..."  
Teacher's voice completely drifted off, leaving the clearing in uncomfortable silence. Pirate frowned and pondered available options for a moment.

[There goes my first option.]

"So you want me to become familiar to this little girl, eh?"  
"I am not little! Show some respect, commoner!", Louise fumed, although her temperament was cooled off a bit because of Jack's lie. Being verbally stabbed into one of her numerous weaknesses by commoner of all people didn't feel pleasing at all, though.

"It is a sacred ritual, which is tantamount to rite of passage in adolescence for mages in our society." Colbert ignored Louise's outburst, and tried to explain.  
"And I assume that there is some sort of geas forged between me and the lass?"  
"Geas?", Flame Serpent frowned. "I'm afraid I am not familiar with this term." Jack rolled his eyes.  
"Magical contract", he elaborated. "Entered numerous of those in my lifetime, I tell ya. Never a good thing, though." He said in a slightly lower voice. He withheld that most of those contracts were forcefully ended, ignored due to lack of time limit or disciplinary measures, or abused through a loophole by him. This information seemed to shock the old man, however only he was in the earshot of that particular statement. Flame Serpent nodded, answering Jack's question.

"You actually say that you entered numerous magical contracts?" Teacher asked to confirm what he just heard, also lowering his voice.  
"What can I say, I had an interesting life, being enslaved aside." He mentally chuckled, looking at teacher wincing once more as he was reminded about the supposed nature of this man.

[A bit of understatement about having 'an interesting life', isn't it?]

He took out one of his most prized possessions. Of course, there was a notion of Black Pearl too, however, if he was faced with a choice whether to part with this little buddy or the Black Pearl, he wouldn't event think twice before picking the first one. Anything he wanted - he would find, anything he lost - he would reacquire. This was the ultimate artifact, bordering on being on par with analogue of real life plot device.  
"Is that compass?", his supposed master asked. He rolled his eyes and sighed, amazed at sheer idiocy, and ignored her question, concentrating on his thoughts.

[What I desire is... an option to remove any effect, which I may deem undesirable, of this contract that will be available for me after me accepting the contract in question.]

This particular little trick saved his hide numerous times from various complications he had with geasa.  
At first, compass's arrow seemed to spin aimlessly. However, as he strengthened his will and desire, arrow steadily inclined in one direction, completely turning towards it.  
He sighed in relief. There actually was such an option. Thus, he had nothing to worry about.

"Oi, lass! I agree to partake in this particular contract!"  
"You do?!" The girl, no, Louise, he mentally corrected himself, seeing as he needed to remember the name of his 'master', asked in an excited voice. "I-I mean, of course you would! It's only natural for you to accept the noble gift of being my familiar!"  
"It's not like I have anywhere to go. And anything's nice compared to what I've gone through before", he shrugged, feigning compliance and insinuating at his already established, yet vague fake past. "So, whatever you wanted to do, continue with."

He decided that he needed to know more about the situation he got himself into. This was going to be interesting, and the pride of Captain Jack Sparrow wouldn't let him back down. And he might get some interesting trinkets from these people too, he reckoned.

Louise gathered her courage and leaned towards the man's face once again.  
"Pentagon that governs the five powers, give this being your blessing and make it my familiar spirit."  
Their lips connected.

* * *

A/N:  
Before you complain, Jack's extremely accurate assertions on different subjects out of nowhere are just his first impressions of things. Remember that he is a man of street, and finds nobles' belief in their invulnerability and pride of their status rather amusing (and abusable).

Not my fault that in Tristain's Academy of Magic social interactions are so shallow that they require nothing than first impression and a little of provoked reaction to figure them out for an experienced person. And did I just have Jack bullshit his way throughout his whole conversation? Yes, yes I did.

Also, 'geasa' is actually a plural form of the word 'geas', so don't think I pulled this word outta my ass.

Now then, to address some issues. This fic is written with an extremely weird mix of third person and second person narration. Characters are called by the names that aren't known, and I insert various tidbits that I find fascinating about the world of Halkeginia and character development, yet there are also fragments where characters' thoughts are delivered both directly and through third person as you already noticed.

If I had more confidence in my writing style, I would've strived for lemony narration, and, no there are no 'lemons' in 'lemony' narration. If you are curious about the nature of this term, I direct you towards TVTropes' article named 'Lemony Narrator'. Rather appropriate, isn't it?

This chapter feels kinda rushed, I think, but, meh, whatever.  
Unfortunately, chapters will take some time to update, seeing as my university studies are currently lacking, so don't expect frequent updates until July at the very least.  
Hope you will find this fic entertaining. Also, I'm in search of beta right now, seeing as I'm not a native English speaker. Your help would be much appreciated.

P.S. Obligatory author's taste enforcing! Listen to P3's Velvet Room theme (and, no, I hadn't actual chance to play any of Persona games, which is a pity). It's so good, I had it looping for more than 12 hours, and I didn't get tired of it.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: In this chapter we will see:  
- A trainwreck of grammar.  
- Pointlessly long description, which isn't even needed at this point, of an item.  
- Even more confusing mix of author's exposition, characters' unmarked thoughts and opinions of the situation.  
- And, finally, italics!  
Enjoy.

* * *

After being contracted, he spun a web of lies so outrageous and complex that nobody had any choice but to believe Jack. The teacher, who was at the summoning event, Colbert or something, Jack remembered, was very interested in runes etched into the back of his hand. After a concise explanation of meaning of those runes, Jack also became interested in them, and mentally catalogued them for further investigation.

The Flame Serpent was also interested in another mark that he noticed on Jack's body, the mark which was left by Jack's unsavory career - the brand of pirate, which East India Trading Company left on his wrist. He was lucky that branding in this culture was associated with slavery and human trafficking, and nothing more.

After lying his way out of the situation once more, he was more or less left alone with his supposed 'master', that little girl with pink hair and small stature, at the clearing which stood in the middle of a castle of pentagonal shape. Apparently, she was actually seventeen, but he really couldn't put himself to believe it. She looked more like a twelve year old, who accidentally fell into a vat of pink dye. Actually, he noticed that there were a lot of students with unusual hair color. Either it was natural to have such vivid natural hair colors, or the fashion sense here was really twisted. He was leaning towards the second conclusion, yet, after seeing wand magic used plenty liberally here, he wasn't sure at all.

"So, familiar, tell me about yourself."

"Name's, uh", Jack pondered for a second, "name's Jacques. Jacques Moineau." He chuckled at this little joke, leaving Louise confused. "And yours is Louise Valliere, eh? Fancy name, I say. I actually once knew that girl in Tortuga, and, boy, was she-"

"Address your master with respect, familiar!", she snapped at him. "We will continue this discussion in a more appropriate place, familiar." With that said, she started to walk towards one of the castle's towers.

Girl has more temper than an erupting volcano, he mentally noted, and she was his 'master'. He needed to tread lightly until he was sure that this mastership didn't ensue any of those pesky common geas clauses like 'complete obedience' or 'ensuring protection of master'. He just needed to fool around until he was out of sight and out of mind. Captain Jack Sparrow was a servant of no one. However...

"Very well, 'master'. Lead the way." The presence of airquotes and playful irony in his tone went unnoticed by the void mage. He didn't want to stir up any trouble prematurely, but the audaciousness and lack of any foresight of his 'master', compared to the people he had (rather unpleasant, he admitted) dealings with, offended him, and seeing as everyone has already left the clearing at this point and no one could interfere, he reckoned he could afford a liberty to take a chance of accidental success in case things weren't as he predicted.

He took out another of his possessions, namely, his flintlock.

Now, let's dwell on this one a bit more, shall we? A blade, a gun, _the_ compass and a hat - these things were a constant in a life of Captain Jack Sparrow. Now, the cutlass he currently had was nothing exceptional, and he lacked a hat, although, that was not for long, knowing some of his more... extraordinary traits. _The_ compass was already described in depth, and thus, the flintlock.

It was a soothing sight for any gunsmith, who knew his worth. Definitely a weapon that was made to be used and designed to be efficient, yet without any flaws when it came to its appearance. Intricate designs engraved on the gun's barrel meshed perfectly with the beauty that was pistol's grip. Butt was adorned with a small spike, so that if things came to close quarters combat, the user wouldn't be completely unarmed. However, the most important thing that this weapon had was the voodoo spell laid upon the gun itself. This particular peculiarity made the flintlock to never fail in any circumstances. Either in humid weather, or thunderstorm, or even underwater, this gun would never fail to shoot. Thanks to this, this pistol had never failed Jack in a dire situation ever since he looted it off one of his adversaries' cold body.

But this was all beyond the point right now, as he pointed it at the girl's back at the point blank range, right at the place where her heart was located. He couldn't miss, even intentionally. Louise, who was completely unaware, continued her confident stride towards whatever destination she had in mind. Maintaining his walking pace, Jack slowly applied pressure to the trigger, making it retract towards him more and more, as he doubted himself whether he was wrong about his initial prediction, however, his pressure unrelenting-

_Stop that immediately! I won't allow you to harm our master!_

Jack's hand recoiled back, his mind unable to cope with sudden resistance to his actions. However, a victory dance tune played inside of Jack's mind, as he congratulated himself with his failure to shoot the girl, and discreetly hid the weapon among his clothes back in its usual place.

_So, mental compulsion, isn't it? And even a_ sentient one _at that, eh?_

Jack was familiar with those, albeit, not this particular kind. Any geas he entered, all of them contained some sort of trick that punished him with _pain_, burning and twisting him from inside. Some of his 'masters' were generous enough to say exact conditions of the magical contract. But, most of the times, he needed to figure out the limitations of the contracts himself. Seeing as he was still alive, and not under any of those, well, except, for the contract with the girl, he was quite adept with figuring out loopholes in those contracts and getting his revenge _in spades_. After all, every one of his 'masters' was careless enough to forget one very important thing: he was _Captain Jack Sparrow_.

However, this was a new one on him. He only ever encountered the physical kind of compulsion. That meant that he only felt immeasurable pain, and the experience of being invaded by a foreign consciousness and forced to do its bidding was new. This one could prove to be harder than it seemed... or not?

"_Now that we're familiar with each other, maybe we should be properly introduced to each other, eh?_", Jack tried to start up a mental dialogue.

"_Captain Jack Sparrow, some call me 'a scurvy git', others call me 'an ill-reputed bastard that I would like to have no business with', but I prefer to think of myself as a respectable buccaneer. I find myself interested in what exactly are you, my little imaginary companion_."

"_I'm not_ imaginary, _you thief_", it all but hissed inside of his head.

"_Pirate_", Jack absentmindedly corrected. "_So, tell me more. Or, otherwise, something might happen with_ your _little master_."

"_We both know you won't be able to_."

"_Oh, are you_ sure? _I wouldn't be in your place_." Jack chuckled, attracting Louise's attention, which, however, was short-lived and insubstantial, letting him continue his little mental discussion with unknown entity. "_For example, let's say I lay a trap for Louise, which is needed to be activated directly. Then, I drink my guts away until I won't be able to remember it next morning. Next, I ask a random person to activate it at needed time, and drink my guts away once more. Finally, I just walk away as far as I can due to a conveniently note to self that I left earlier to ensure that I won't be able to save her. Of course, my future self doesn't know that. Now_, will _you be able to save her, I wonder, even if you could stop me from shooting?_"

"_Y-you wouldn't dare to!_", answered the being, although, it was visibly shaken by Jack's thoughts.

"_Oh, I would most certainly do. I wasn't called 'a scurvy git' for nothing, you know-_"

"_Wait, what did you mean by 'even if you could stop me from shooting'?_"

"_Oh, please, I had it a lot worse than a little headache. Did you really think that you would be able assume direct control of me? The only reason the girl's alive because I'm_ respectable _buccaneer. Now then, will we do it the hard way or the easy way?_"

"_...Damn._"

"_Now that's more like it, my dear... boy? Girl? Actually, what are you?_", Jack mentally asked, bringing his thoughts back on track.

"_I am not a person, as you can infer. I am more like a complex system designed to change your mind set to be more loyal, more courageous and more upstanding for the sake of the Void mage you are associated with. I am the Left Hand of God. I am the familiar system founded by the Founder Brimir. I am the true essence of the-_"

"_Gandalfr, right?_", Jack interrupted. "_Now, don't be so surprised, I know Elder Futhark quite good after that little 'wild hunt'_", Jack actually laughed at this witty remark, earning a weird look from Louise, "_after one of the most interesting artifacts I got my hands on, the-_"

"_The Tarnkappe and the Andvarinaut, is it? Too bad that you lost the first one, and the second one couldn't actually produce any gold without the aftereffects of the curse. Now, don't be so surprised_", the entity quipped right back at the pirate, "_surely you aren't surprised that I have access to your memories?_"

"_Did you actually read all my memories? I-_"

However, Jack suddenly tripped due to a sudden stop, and unable to concentrate, broke off the dialogue with the foreign conciousness.  
"We're here, familiar." The void mage announced.

* * *

Okay, now this was getting ridiculous. After being treated like a dog (although, he had _a lot_ worse treatment than that before, he reckoned), his 'master' kicked him out on the street to make him do what, all of things? That's right, wash her underwear! Marvelous!

Now, this wasn't enough to actually enrage Jack, or even notably offend him, seeing as all of the offenses he took since he got summoned into this place weren't really serious, but it _was_ rather unpleasant, he thought. And now he was stuck with a heap of laundry in his hands in an unknown place in a middle of a night. He would've killed right now for a good warm bath. His eyes rose inadvertently towards the night sky, and widened, when he saw something that shouldn't have been there.

"...Oka-a-a-ay..."

He ignored the second moon for now, and tried to recognize the constellations he saw in the sky. But none of those were familiar to him.  
Jack stood still as if flash-frozen with a shocked expression, trying to process the situation.  
Something clicked in his head, and ever so slowly his face broke into a full-blown... Cheshire grin?

"Well, things have just gotten interesting."

Only his amused laughter rang across the silence of the night.

* * *

His opinion of the girl he met was rather nice. Like the red-headed buxom that he noticed during the ritual, this person was well-endowed too. Her black hair suited her appearance, and her figure was positively attractive. However, unlike Kirche, she conveyed that aura of innocence and virginity that made Jack conscious about his actions. Yes, he was 'a scurvy git', but he was a gentlemanly 'scurvy git'. 'If the girl doesn't want it, the girl doesn't want it' - he knew that better than anyone else.

She was rather kind and naive, as expected of someone who was raised away from battle and politics, being a simple commoner who worked for her daily bread, but he enjoyed the small talk they had. Her name was Siesta, and she was a maid at this castle, or rather, the Tristain Academy of Magic. Jack used one of his usual excuses of being from the country far away, and asked her about everything she knew. She was polite and knowledgeable in her answer, and after finding out Jack's task for the night, she offered him help, which he couldn't refuse.

After the laundry was done, it was time for another bout of mental interrogation.

"_So, Gandalfr, huh? You mentioned something about being Left Hand of God. Must I assume that there are other parts of God, like Right Hand of God, Armpit of God, or even Groin of-_"

"_Such blasphemy against Founder! You won't be forgiven!_"

"_Right, right, you little voice who is only capable of causing me a little headache._"

"_I am able to twist your mind so much that you won't be able to even think of disobeying my master! Do not underestimate the power of the Founder, you thief._"

"_Pirate._" Another mental correction. "_Then, why haven't you done so already, eh?_"

"_..._"

"_You can't, right? But something compelled you to mention your supposed power. You have no reason to lie, and thus, I assume that you are actually capable of this act generally. However, something is stopping you, isn't it?_"

"_I am able to change the mind of any living being that is summoned as a familiar, but, you, you are-_"

"_Dead?_" Jack laughed from the bottom of his heart, sincerely thanking a man, whose heart he once held in his own hands. His laughter boomed, ripping apart the quiet of the night. However, his laughter stopped as abruptly as it started. "_Wait, if you are able to access my memory, how come you don't why I'm supposedly dead, yet alive?_"

"_There is a... blank in your memories. Just before it, you are swallowed by a kraken, and just after it you are swimming on Black Pearl through the armada of ghost boats._"

"_Huh._" But Jack perfectly remembered that part. That endless memory during which he wandered across the void landscape, fighting with his madness. Why the entity couldn't access that part? He mentally catalogued this question for later contemplation. "_Well, at least this whole 'sharing memory' thing eases my conversation with you._"

"_Now then, tell me everything I need to know, Left Hand of God._"

* * *

He brandished his sword once more. The sword itself was nothing interesting, just a usual rusty cutlass he swiped in the middle of a battle. He had time until morning, and he chose it to practice his swordsmanship. The battle style he used was certainly not the style that was taught in honorable schools. If there was something he could do to win, he would use it. However, this particular training exercise he was performing was directed at boosting his agility and dexterity. He moved left and right, turning, twisting, rolling and jumping.

That was when he experienced one of the runes' peculiarities that Left Hand of God, or Gandalfr, was so kind to explain to him. Apparently, his physical state was boosted when he held a weapon. Not only that, but he also understood and gained knowledge about proper wielding of _any_ weapon he held in hands.

Jack never properly learned the way of sword, and thus, while his swordfighting was above average, he mostly relied on improvisation and dirty tactics when in battle. However, now he felt like he could outfight any opponent with nothing but a sword in his hand.

This particular property of the runes he donned was too useful to get rid of. He couldn't just kill his master, rendering his contract null and void completely. He needed to cut into heart of the geas and extract only the parts that weren't needed.

His eyes drifted towards the night sky once more.

_Two moons are surely a nice change from the usual, eh?_

He wasn't fazed by the fact that he was, apparently, in a completely different world. Anything was better than, say, a completely void white space, which Davy Jones' Locker consisted of, he reckoned, and this particular world held a lot of promise. From what he gathered during the day, while engaging in small talk with his 'master' and that servant, it was a world full of magic, adventure, and conflict, and, of course, such a world would always find a place for a respectable pirate like him, wouldn't it?

* * *

A/N:  
Easy, quick and dirty chapter.  
Did I just expose a crucial element, which wasn't revealed in original story almost until three quarters into the story? Yes, yes I did.  
I honestly don't know where I'm going. Well, I do for, meh, let's say, three-four chapters, but anything beyond that is a complete mystery to me.  
And, if you noticed, I deliberately use the word "master" rather than "mistress". You know, it just doesn't have that feeling of properness.  
That said, a trainwreck of grammar. And, like I already mentioned, I am NOT a native speaker and I'm in desperate need of an adequate beta, if I'm going to continue this one.  
Another thing of note is that I deliberately shorten and leave out a lot of things. A lot of things, which I find unworthy to spend time for lengthy portrayal, will be done off-screen. Like scene with Louise, scene with Siesta and meeting with Guiche, in this chapter, for example. A habit to write a wall of text in response to any situation is not a habit I'm fond of.  
Now, to detail, the resistance that Jack encountered when trying to shoot Louise was _not_ insurmountable. It was only the suddenness of mental pressure and Jack's initial intent not to actually shoot the girl, but to find out the limitations of his geas that stopped him from shooting. Yes, it _is_ extremely painful for Jack, and would most likely leave him unconscious from pain after committing the act, but neither dead, nor obedient.


	3. Chapter 3

Jack woke up with a splitting headache. Personally, he blamed those 5 bottles of the nastiest, yet most intoxicating rum he drank just before his capture and unexpected summoning. Well, most of his adventures started with him in some sort of predicament, whether that was a simple hangover or awaiting in some sort of god forsaken cell for his execution. He shuddered at that thought. Being reminded of the gallows was never a pleasant thing. Jack had a lot of near-death experiences, but gallows always remained a point which he avoided.

"_Like expected from criminal scum like you._"

"_Oh, shut up. My head hurts plenty fine even without annoying voices inside of it._"

Jack rubbed his chin in thought, and reviewed events that took place last night.

After mildly exhausting himself with his training, or rather, testing runes' capabilities, Jack had a nice, warm bath that was kindly offered by the maid that Jack met earlier. Siesta, was it? She seemed kinda charmed with him, after hearing some of the stories from his life, though they were a bit embellished, he admitted. Seeing as he didn't have any particular location else to go to, he went to the void mage's room, intent on sleeping through the rest of the night and morning. He didn't have any problems with sleeping on a haystack. After all, his first mate, and we're not talking about Barbossa, had a habit of sleeping in puddle of dirt with pigs, and he didn't have any problem with that. If your main port of choice was Tortuga, you would instantly learn how to not mind the circumstances. However, sleeping in enclosed space with his 'master', who could wake up and spam whatever spells she wanted at him at any moment, on a haystack, which was or wasn't enchanted to make him more obedient - Jack wasn't a fool.

And, well, here he was now, half-lying on a thick tree branch, with a hangover befitting Bacchus, overlooking the view of the castle, his legs hanging down on in a slouched manner. Nobody seemed to pay attention to him, seeing as the tree's crown effectively hid him from others' eyes.

"Nothing's better like to wake up to nagging of imaginary personalization of ancient familiar system, only to wake up the supposed 'master', who has little to no self-control when it comes to violence."

"_What's up with constant airquotes, pirate? She is your master, no matter how you look at it._"

"_Congratulations, we're making progress here, you're actually calling me properly instead of calling me a thief! Wait a second. How did you kno- Oh, right, mind reading._"

"_Exactly, now go and wake up our master._"

"_Nope. I just can't kill her, there is nothing about disobeying orders. And even the part about not killing is self-imposed. Besides, it's not like she is a morning person. Even if I disregard numerous reasons to not wake her up, it's midday already, if you didn't notice. Sun is at its zenith. So shut up._"

* * *

"_Let's see if I can get something here._"

_And not only to eat, too._

Apparently, it was lunchtime, and he was currently standing on a grassy clearing, which was some sort of luxurious variation of dining hall for students of this academy. Well, Jack scoffed at the impractical nature of this idea. Grass made it hard for servants' carts to get through, and the distance was a bit too long from the kitchen for servants to move with serving trays without straining themselves, and that's not even talking about possible mud which could and would occur after an average rain. But, to his confusion, it worked, seeing as apparently those carts encountered little to no resistance. He blamed the magic.

He grabbed a particularly fine looking piece of bread from the servant's cart, and started to meticulously chew through it. He had to admit, nobles in any time and place knew how to live in luxury, and this world was no exception. After hanging around a bit more and satisfying the peckish feeling inside of his stomach, he moved on towards the next part of his amusement program.

Checking for the presence of his 'master' so as not to get in trouble and not finding her on this little triumph of life, he easily maneuvered through the tables, while looking for an appropriate target.

His gaze fell on a boy, who was trying to flirt with a girl, although, unsuccessfully. If he remembered correctly, he already saw that kid flirting with yet another girl yesterday. Two-timing, eh? Jack was familiar with concept, although women who were the target of his swindling were less than amused when they found out about it. He respected successful playboys, who knew what they were doing, and could charm any amount of women with little to no effort. Not like he cared, but this boy clearly was a bad sport, who two-timed just for the hell of it, without any measures prepared in case of his romance interests finding out.

Anyway, the boy was distracted enough with his chatting to please the pirate. He casually walked up towards the boy, and 'accidentally' stumbled and bumped into him, easily going through the mage's pockets.

"Watch where you're going, commoner!" The noble tried to put as much scorn in his tone as he could, yet Jack wasn't affected.

"Terribly sorry, sir, won't happen again."

It looked like Guiche wanted to pursue this topic further, but dropped due to the presence of his girlfriend. Or, at least, one of his girlfriends, Jack mused.

Anyway, there wasn't anything of value in particular in boy's pockets. A few coins, which sparked pirate's link of thoughts, making him mentally mark this world's currency for further examination, due to the possibility of coin counterfeiting. Not of real value, like bill counterfeiting was, but in a large scale it could bring enormous returns, and he was rather familiar with the process. Only a bottle of perfume particularly stood out in Guiche's possessions, and... a rose.

Jack recalled seeing this bottle just a moment ago, when the girl he was currently talking to gifted it to the self-absorbed playboy that this boy was, and pondered the thought of slipping this bottle into the other girl's pocket, just for his amusement. However, Jack instantly recognized the wand for what it was - he didn't know how, he just knew that it was wand, and he immediately decided to fish through Guiche's pockets once more to put it and whatever he didn't need back in its' place. The wand was a big deal, and Jack didn't want to be any part of it.

If magic was really what supported local noble status, a loss of wand was akin to a loss of ship in pirates' trade - incredibly annoying and the thing that one could have revenge for. Of course, he always could just throw away both of those, but- Wait, he could just do that, actually.

"_Man, to think that I actually was going to do something incredibly stupid right now._"

"_Put. It. Back. Right now. Thief_", the voice in his head all but hissed.

"_Whatever._"

Unfortunately, luck was on Jack's side only when it mattered.

Through a sheer coincidence, he once again collided with Guiche, who was just leaving, and both of them fell on the ground. Jack barely managed to use this situation, and drop the items he was holding, so it would look like the boy dropped those. The rose survived collision with the ground. The perfume? Not so much. The consequences were rather... predictable.

"You commoner! Look at what you've done!"

* * *

"_Remind me to never hang around after the deed is done._"

"_You brought this upon yourself, thief_", Gandalfr barked back to the buccaneer.

"_Pirate._"

"I'm surprised you didn't run away, commoner."

And now Jack was stuck with dueling that kid. The only thing that felt satisfying about this situation was the exposition of mage's two-timing behavior and consequent girls' reactions. Guiche's fault, he reckoned. If the mage was smart enough so as not to attract attention to himself while both of his girlfriends were present, he could've blown this situation over. Apparently not anymore. Of course, kid didn't hesitate to shift the blame on the pirate, which Jack deemed as a very questionable decision. If nobody else believes your lie but yourself, there is no sense in that lie, buccaneer thought. Well, unless if it wasn't used for stalling, but in this case, it definitely wasn't.

"I myself am surprised, lad. But what kind of 'familiar' would disobey his 'master', eh?"

Anyway, Jack reckoned that he could easily beat the kid seeing as Left Hand of God disclosed the details of what it entailed to be summoned under the definition of the Gandalfr class, but his unknowing 'master' wasn't pleased with this development. Gandalfr was actually very reliable when it came to the information, and Jack started to seriously ponder its use as a primary source of reference. Its knowledge on political situation of the world was lacking, making Jack to fill in the blanks by himself often, and it could refuse to disclose some of the information, however, it couldn't outright lie, due to the limitations that Founder Brimir, and its knowledge of both technology and magic was rather extensive, bordering on encyclopedic, thanks to its contract with the world. All in all, a useful thing to have, Jack thought.

"So apparently you have a shred of honor in you, dog."

_What's with everyone calling me a dog? Sheesh._

"Fair enough. What are the conditions?"

Anyway, like already mentioned, Louise was enraged both with his behavior and his assent to the duel. She tried dragging him to Guiche and making him apologize or apologize to him herself on pirate's behalf, but Jack ignored her attempts, and assured her that he was more than capable of handling the situation he brought upon himself, or rather, that the noble boy brought upon Jack. She reluctantly agreed, giving in to the confident attitude that he emitted, but still intent on nagging him throughout this whole deal, which he rightfully deemed as bothersome, but refrained from voicing his opinion.

"Fight to death, unless the opponent surrenders. That said, any last words, commoner?"

And now, he was facing the kid in the middle of place called Vestry Court. It seemed like Guiche was confident in his victory, seeing as he was carelessly chatting with his opponent, even though he already summoned one of his so called 'Valkyries', or, saying simply, golems. Pity for him, Jack thought, reaching into his clothes.

"In the matter of fact..."

A gunshot.

"...No. And you were wrong about honor too."

Failing to react, Guiche fell and grasped his knee, his grimace twisted in pain. Jack slightly tilted the gun, and turned the handle on its side, reloading it in a matter of seconds. Walking up to his opponent, pirate casually snapped with his foot the dropped wand in halves, making golem dissipate, knocked them away out of noble's reach and pointed the pistol at his head, making Guiche snap out of his shock and fall into panic.

"Now then, kid, I wouldn't be moving if I were you", Jack proclaimed in a calm tone of voice, "this particular gun is repeating, and I'm sure that you realize that the skill was not to hit your knee, but... to miss the rest of you. So, tell me an answer to one little question - do you yield?"

"Y-yes, I yield, I yield!"

"Good, now, before you apologize to the ladies", pirate said, pointing his free hand in general direction of the gathered crowd, where Montmorency and Katie were standing agape, "I'd like you to understand one little point. I'd like you to listen very carefully, or my finger might waver, and we don't want contents of your head on the ground, do we?"

Guiche shook his head in fear, still grasping his bleeding knee. If the healing magic in this world haven't existed, boy would've most likely needed to get a peg leg at this rate, Jack reckoned. Fortunately for Guiche, that wasn't a case.

"Good. The point is... you don't bring a rose into a gunfight. You should neither underestimate your opponent, nor start a fight without a reason, which you deem proper. Point taken? Good. Now, apologize to the ladies."

"_You forgot 'and my master too' bit_", the voice inside pirate's head nagged.

"And my 'master' too", Jack repeated with a sigh, pulling away his pistol and hiding it in his clothes.

* * *

Kirche Augusta Frederica von Anhalt-Zerbst was infatuated with Jacques Moineau. The prowess and marksmanship that he showed during the duel was incredible, and who cared that he essentially jumped Guiche with his shot. He was obviously older than her - he looked like he was thirty years old, actually, but he seemed experienced just like she was, and she always wanted to enjoy herself with someone more experienced than virgin boys from the Academy.

She had quite a reputation within the Academy, mostly of being a lascivious girl, who gave herself to any man she met, but she strongly disagreed. Those were just boys, someone who were just pastime for her. She wasn't called Kirche the Ardent for nothing - if there was anyone who she was interested in, she gave all her passion to capture their hearts. Sadly, all of her interests were passing. But this man could prove to be something more, she hoped.

"Now then, how should I catch him?"

* * *

Matilda de Saschen-Gotha, who was better known as Fouquet of the Crumbling Dirt, or mademoiselle Longueville, whom her superiors assumed her to be, could note only one thing - Jean Colbert and the Headmaster Osmond were not amused. Not like 'not amused', but rather 'completely unamused". She didn't have a clue what they were discussing, due to simply walking in on this argument, while delivering papers that Headmaster ordered her to pick up, but they clearly didn't look happy.

Author would like to note that it was unheard of a human to be summoned in a Springtime Familiar Summoning ritual, and both Colbert and Osmond disliked time when they were lacking the information. And they were lacking quite a lot of information at the time.

"Do you. Understand. The implications of this?", Colbert said using full stop pauses to accentuate his sentence.

"Please, Jean, I think that you're barking up the wrong tree. He simply jumped the boy, and used the element of surprise to his advantage."

"True, but the reaction time that he exhibited was bordering on superhuman, and-"

"Did you look into those runes that you told me about, Jean?"

"No, I hadn't enough time, but-"

"Could you please leave the papers here and let us continue this discussion, mademoiselle Longueville?", Osmond said, addressing his secretary.

"Certainly, Headmaster."

Leaving mentioned papers on Headmaster's table, she walked out of the room, closing the door behind her. Of course, it didn't mean that she wouldn't listen in anyway. Even though her objective here was the retrieval of the Staff of Destruction, she wouldn't willingly pass up on any piece of information of potential use. Leaning in to the door, she tried to discern teachers' conversation.

"There is only one human familiar summoning that is recorded in the history."

"Look, Jean, are you serious about trusting a fairy tale story?"

"Yes, yes I am. As soon as I find a copy of those runes, we will be able to directly ascertain this."

"Look, what you're saying is really close to blasph-"

"Well, hello there, young lady."

Fouquet flinched away from the door, turning instantly towards the voice. Behind her was standing... a man? She remembered him. This was, apparently, the familiar of Zero, as Louise was commonly called by her peers, the one who defeated a mage in a duel. She didn't have a chance to look at him before, only having a verbal description that some of the teachers told her, but she instantly pegged him as curious. No, not 'curious' per se, but rather 'strange'. He had some strange feeling coming from him that she couldn't quite put finger on, but that made her think that they had something in similar. Anyway, he caught her in the middle of listening in, and that wasn't good. It could easily lower her reputation, and Founder knows what would happen if either Osmond or Colbert decided to look into her background before she completed her mission.

He gazed upon her, then at the door she was leaning on just before, then back at her and finally claimed his verdict.

"Keep up the good job, sister."

"...Sister?" Fouquet uttered in confusion.

Jack made a very characteristic gesture with his hands, trying to show something. When she shook her head, clearly not understanding what he meant, he shrugged his shoulders and walked away.

She sighed in relief, thanking Founder for his generosity. But what did he mean with his gestures? He just patted his pants in a very weird manner. If one thought about it, it looked just like he tried to pickpocket himself-

Oh, by the Founders!

Did he know she was a thief? No, of course he couldn't. She worked here for quite a long time, and this man figured her out during their first meeting that didn't last even half a minute, while teacher staff in this academy couldn't figure her out at all? Talk about improbability here.

But then, what did he mean when he called her a sister?

* * *

As he left Fouquet alone, who was still standing confused, Jack had only one thought. He didn't think about how he recognized her as a woman of the profession similar to his - his honed perception was mostly working subconsciously, yet it still was reliable, and he trusted it. He also didn't think about what a thief could hope to find here, even if he mentally noted to look into it in order to get a cherry in the cake himself if he managed to. No, only one thought was on his mind.

_Very interesting indeed. And such a fine woman too._

* * *

A/N:

This chapter seems kind of weak and somewhat disappoints me. Tying my ideas into one coherent narrative is a lot harder than it seems from first look, you know?

This one is a lot more heavy on passive storytelling and descriptions rather than dialogues and character development. Also, it's really hard to not just throw walls of text everywhere. I try my hardest to condense into little, yet meaningful paragraphs rather than writing huge ones, because, like I mentioned, I consider it a bad habit. I mean, just look at some of the longer fictions out there (yep, Hill of Swords, I'm looking at you) - most of the interactions could've been described with more concise storytelling without losing either any characterization, or detalization.

Anyway, while writing this chapter I couldn't help being reminded of a masterpiece that would make proud all of those who like Jack (and we all here like Jack, don't we?) - the Gentleman Bastard sequence, of course. No, seriously, read it. It's like Jack Sparrow, but in a sort of magical steampunk Renaissance setting, and on goddamn crack. You think Jack is all suave and badass while stealing, lying and being his charming self? Try Locke Lamora. Or, for that matter, anyone on the Gentleman Bastard crew. All in all, a good read.

I use words Gandalfr and Left Hand of God interchangeably both for the Jack's class of summoning and the name of the entity created inside of his mind, but never as Jack's alias. Sorry if it confuses you.

The reason that Jack looks like thirty years old? Maybe I'll stop on that later, when it actually becomes a plot point. Let's just say that the Fountain of Youth is just one of the legends that could supposedly grant eternal youth.

Also, I figured that italics aren't really needed. If I'll have a need to bring attention to something, I'll just construct a sentence in such a manner. Feel free to criticize me on that part, if you want me to use italics for accentuating.

If you're interested in the type of flintlock that Jack uses, search for 'Lorenzoni Repeating Flintlock Pistol' on Youtube. It is a really fascinating piece of craftsmanship, and its design is brilliant.

On the other note, descriptions are hard. I've never actually properly read the original light novel, and visuals in the anime, in my opinion, are lacking both in style (I'm more of an admirer of Yusuke Nakamura's kind of style (Tatami Galaxy, anyone?), which is properly minimalistic, yet still expressive, but, meh, whatever) and in details. And the original is, like, really boring. No offense.

Also, I noticed that English language is too light on idioms, you know? I had a very hard time of properly translating some of the more common idiomatic expressions of Russian into English.

And, I repeat, still looking for beta. Potential beta, if you hear me, please become actual beta instead of the potential one.


	4. Chapter 4

Library was a quiet place, with little to no people present, which was perfect for Fouquet of Crumbling Dirt.

Jacques Moineau. That was the name that the familiar of Louise Valliere introduced him with.

Firstly, there was a matter of the circumstances of his summoning. From the information that she gathered, human summonings were unheard of, and regarding what she overheard from teachers' dialogue before aforementioned familiar ambushed her, this situation was a big deal. He introduced himself during the summoning as a privateer, and also, he claimed that he was nearly saved from slave traders. However, if that was the case, how could he get a sword and a pistol while being still handcuffed? He claimed that he was just saved by some sort of a respectable crew, but the first thing they should've done is, well, to unhandcuff him. All of these facts indicated a lie, but for what purpose?

Then, there also was a matter of his master. Louise Valliere, or the Zero, as her nickname implied, wasn't capable of casting any conventional elemental magic. All of her initiatives in this field always ended with explosions. She was regarded as a failure among her peers and constantly bullied for this fact.

And finally, Jacques himself. But the main reason she was worried is that something about him felt... off. Her exchange with him left an unsavory feeling, and while her instincts weren't triggered during that encounter, she couldn't help but feel that there was something more behind his facade of indifferent sarcasm and sharp witty remarks which he instantly became infamous for. If he would've been just another commoner, she would've instantly pegged him as interesting, yet insubstantial, and disregarded him altogether. However, he was capable of defeating a mage. Just a measly dot mage, whose power could sometimes barely reach line level, while she was a square level, granted, but any commoner that could successfully counteract against a mage was a threat by default.

Fouquet didn't know exactly what she stumbled upon, however, she knew better than to disregard the importance of these happenings. 'Once is a chance, twice is a coincidence, thrice is a pattern', and Fouquet wasn't a stranger to occasions, when even the best plans failed due to not taking into consideration even the smallest of details, nevermind something so unusual like this. She rubbed her temples, trying to concentrate herself. She couldn't make heads or tails of this situation, and Jacques could definitely prove to be a disruptive element for her planning. A gut feeling told her to step up her schedule, even though the privateer didn't seem like a threat yet. Initially, she wanted to wait for distraction that Evaluation Fair could provide, yet now she had a feeling that if she waited for too long, she would fail.

_One day. Only one more day._

She was so consumed in her thoughts that she completely missed a pair of mischievous eyes, which were carefully, yet meticulously studying her. Those eyes belonged to a certain pirate. She also didn't notice him getting a peculiar trinket out of his pockets. And of course, she didn't notice him concentrating on a sole thought.

"_What I desire... is the thing that she wants or plans to steal from the Academy._"

"_Don't tell me..._", Gandalfr complained in the back of Jack's head.

"_Okay, I won't tell you._"

Gandalfr felt genuine sorrow, when it understood that nobody could hear it sigh.

* * *

The courtyard was filled with warm sunshine.

"That stupid familiar! Where has he run off to?"

Louise was not amused. It wasn't full-blown rage, but her discontent was apparent for anyone, mostly because she couldn't conceal her emotions well enough. She already searched everywhere for her familiar, and still, she couldn't find him.

"Where could he go?..."

She didn't quite know what to think about her familiar after his duel with Guiche.

He certainly defeated a mage, a feat that was deemed all but impossible before, but the general consensus, upon which she agreed too, was that Guiche was surprised by Jacques and defeated only due to a chance. However, she didn't want to admit that her familiar was just a commoner. She hoped, no, she knew that her familiar was special.

"That familiar...", Louise said with her voice drifting off to a gasp of exasperation.

Jacques was a mystery even for her, she suddenly thought. He certainly didn't act like a proper familiar. He neither accompanied her everywhere, nor did he sleep in her room. She didn't even know where he slept, she realized. He just appeared at the morning, and disappeared when she went to sleep. He wasn't the most obedient kind, but... he felt right. He certainly helped her whenever she needed it, like that time when one of the boys insulted her, raising a cruel laughter among those who were present, and Jacques suddenly appeared out of nowhere, throwing a subtle insult with a casual smirk and cheerful tone of voice, both of which screamed of danger. And after that the only thing he said was "Can't allow my 'master' to get in trouble as a 'proper familiar', can I?". There was something peculiar about how he said some of the words, but she couldn't quite put a finger on what it was. All of his acts of disobedience were always minor and things that she already considered herself, like not waking her up in morning, unless there was something crucial that she couldn't afford to miss. When she once confronted him about those frivolities he allowed himself, his answer was concise.

"Lass, it's apparent that you won't understand this now, but I'll tell you this anyway. A man chooses. A slave obeys. A man only does what he does, and nothing more. Someday, you will understand it too." This was the only time that she recalled seeing her familiar without a playful grin on his face, being completely serious. She interrupted her reminiscing. That was stupid of her, she reckoned, to waste her time on thinking about her familiar. Louise didn't notice a slight smile appearing on her face.

"Hmph, whatever. It looks like I need to go to class."

Deep inside of her mind, she decided to do something for him in return. It was only natural for master to care for her familiar, right? It totally wasn't like she became fond of him or something! That said, maybe buy him a new sword? She didn't see him actually use it, but it wasn't like he could be satisfied with that rusty piece of metal. Well, maybe after the Evaluation Fair.

The courtyard was filled with warm sunshine.

* * *

Tabitha was perplexed. And that was saying it lightly. As a niece of the Mad King, and a distinguished chevalier she recognized the signs of both madness and prowess while observing the familiar of Zero, like her friend Kirche called her often. And Sylphid was also obviously interested in this man who identified himself as Jacques Moineau. Even Tabitha didn't know the reason for her sister to become interested in this commoner. She didn't sense any magic from him, that's for sure. But something was... off.

Author would like to note that this particular phrase was one of the students' and teachers' favorites when they tried describing Jack.

She knew that this particular mixture of madness and skill could make the world shudder, and that made her wary.

"Hey, Tabitha! How's it going?", a voice said, which the melancholic student instantly recognized as belonging to her redheaded friend.

"Not much", her gaze lingered for a bit on Jacques, and returned to the book, which was constantly present on her person. Kirche, being rather perceptive, noticed her gaze almost instantly.

"You're interested in that man too, Tabitha? I didn't know you were a type who went for older men!", redhead said in amused tone.

"Dangerous."

"You mean him?"

"Yes."

"Oh, come on! He only beat Guiche, who was rather haughty and a weakling when it came to actual fight. I mean, he didn't even fight, he just shot that arrogant boy into his knee!"

"Even so. Stay away."

"Oh, but how can I stay away from such a piece of pure manliness! You hurt me, my dear friend!"

Tabitha ignored Kirche's teasing in favor of turning the page of her book.

* * *

"So, you are sure, Jean?"

"Yes, yes I am. Look at the similarity of runes. And it would perfectly explain why mademoiselle Valliere fails at her magic application."

"Well, it's rather unbelievable, and I'm still reluctant to believe a book of legends and myths, but your intuition never failed me before, Jean.

"Thank you, Osmond. The question is, what do we do next?"

"I think it's too early to reveal the truth. I mean, it's rather blasphemous, isn't it? Until we have any concrete proof, in the eyes of the church, we would be just another pair of heretics."

"I completely agree. But shouldn't we at least inform the girl?"

"It can wait, Jean. Now, is there anything else you wanted to discuss?"

"No, not particularly."

"Then you are dismissed."

Nothing indicated that such an important talk occured inside of the office that professor Colbert was just leaving.

* * *

Evening sun only started to settle, seeing as it was summer, but, still, it was undeniably late. This particular castle corridor was completely empty, save one person.

_Tomorrow... Or rather, today._

Fouquet recounted her preparations off her mental checklist. Everything seemed to be in order, but checking things once more didn't hurt at all, she reckoned. This night she was going to break into the vault where the Staff of Destruction resided. Yes, it was going to be tough, what's with all magic defenses of the vault, but, fortunately, that fool of a teacher spilled to her the only weakness that those defense spells had, and she was going to exploit them to their fullest. Only a few more hours, and her golem would be bringing destruction in its wake throughout the Academy. Well, not precisely, rather, it would be focused on the vault's walls, but those were details. The escape route was prepared, she slipped a potent sleeping draught into the water supply at the kitchen, and now, she only needed to wait until the start of the dinner. The draught had enough delay time to ensure that people would start to drop only when everyone had at least a sip, and a sip was plenty enough for her goals. Now, she needed to wait. And waiting was the most unpleasant part of the deal. Fouquet again went over her mental checklist, just to make absolutely sure that she didn't screw up. It was unneeded and too late, she understood, but she needed something to calm her nerves.

She was so engrossed in her thoughts that she didn't notice a certain person walking towards her until he was already too close for her comfort.

"Evening, sis", he said, making her jerk out of her thoughts and all but flail frantically before she assumed control over the situation.

"Good evening, monsieur Moineau. What brings you here?", she said, donning a fake smile expression. She tried looking into his eyes to steer away his attention from her appearance, seeing as she was in her 'ready to leave anytime' attire right now, which was suspicious of itself.

That man seemed just as strange as he did during their first encounter. The only that was different about him was the bag over his shoulder, which looked rather voluminous and heavy.

"Oi, no need for pleasantries, love. After all, what man I would be to ignore such a fine lady, eh?"

"Monsieur Moineau, may I ask what is there in that bag?", she asked, ignoring his previous flirtatious comment.

"This one?", he said, setting the mentioned item on the floor. "Oh, not a lot. A change of clothes", he opened the bag and started taking out items, "a supply of food and water for a few days, the Staff of Destruction, a few hundreds of ecu-"

Fouquet did a spittake. Well, she tried to, but, unfortunately, the only liquid in her mouth was her saliva, so the 'spittake' part turned into 'choking on one's own saliva". Meanwhile, Jack casually took out his compass, and shined at the confirmation of his assumptions.

"So, this is what you were after, eh, Fouquet of Crumbling Dirt?"

"W, wh, wh, what- How, I mean, how did you- I can't bel-"

"Relax, sis. Like a fellow member of a brotherhood of thievish bunch, and being a completely dishonorable scurvy git myself, who would do everything in his power, like I said once, 'to raid, pillage, plunder and otherwise pilfer his weasely black guts out', I promise upon my complete lack of honor that in no way am I going to rat you out or otherwise turn you over to the local authorities. Oh, and also a pirate. Shouldn't forget that part."

Author would like to officially note that this particular day was the day when Matilda de Saschen-Gotha's thought process was utterly and completely broken for the first time in her life. Author would also like to note, seeing it was Jack Sparrow she became involved with, that it wasn't the last time at all.

"Now then, Fouquet, are you prepared to move out right now? 'Cause I surely am."

"Y-yes, I-I'm ready to go like this, but-"

"No 'buts', love. We'll have time for questions later, after we get out of here as soon as we can."

"BUT HOW DID YOU MANAGE TO REMOVE IT OUT OF THE VAULT?!", Fouquet all but exploded. "DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT THING IS PROTECTED WITH? THERE IS NO MAGIC THAT COULD HELP YOU TO BREACH INTO THE VAULT! HOW. DID. YOU. DO. THAT?!"

"Love, you're compromising us, so I advise you to be quiet." After he finished gathering all of his possessions back into the bag, Jack started a confident stride in the direction of castle gate, pulling Fouquet with him. "And to answer your question, well, it looks like I hadn't introduced myself properly yet." Jack assumed a lecturing pose without slowing his stride. "Whoever placed those spells on the vault forgot one very important thing: I'm Captain Jack Sparrow. Savvy?"

* * *

A/N:

Cliffhangers are fun, don't you think?

*cruel smile*

Not in the meaning of 'unresolved dangerous situation that our heroes remain in', but rather 'the ending of an episode that raises so many unresolved plot points that it's not even funny' though.

Disclaimer: Characters' viewpoints are in no way objective. Just so you know.

That said, thought I'd focus more on other characters viewpoints. After all, presentation is everything, right?

So... walls of text, some more walls of text, and poorly written dialogue. I tried to rewrite this chapter numerous times, and the variant that you see is the best that I produced, but I'm still not quite satisfied with it.

In this chapter Jack isn't all fun and games. Yeah, he might look comical most of the time, but to succeed every time he either must be an incredibly lucky bastard, or, well, 'magnificent bastard' (to clarify, that's a term for a manipulative and charismatic schemer, if you aren't already familiar with it), and, personally, I'm more inclined towards the second option. Yep, comparisons with certain Captain Tylor are inevitable. And did I just completely drop the Kirche business? Yes, yes I did... or not?

Jack is a very difficult character to explore properly. He's a coward, but certainly not on Rincewind scale, has standards and overall is dashing and charming, but not quite like Locke Lamora, and sometimes can be manipulative and merciless on a scale which I can't even measure correctly. Not Xanatos kind, for sure. More of a 'I have no idea if this'll work' kind that works always. And then there are his speech patterns. Oh god, the speech patterns.

On completely different note, I found a completely brilliant crossover with (you better believe it) Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead. Just google 'Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are dead familiar of zero spacebattles' and the first link will lead to an index of stories among which this masterpiece is hidden.

And I have this awesome idea for crossover, namely - Louise summons Ushiromiya Battler from Umineko no Naku Koro ni. Yep, the ultimate magic deterrent, who is able to, of all things, outright deny magic. Think Derflinger's anti-magic, but with the power of LOGIC. Maybe I'll do that later.

Also, it seems like the authors of most interesting ZnT crossovers suddenly lost interest in those. I mean, Emperor of Zero, On The Wings Of An Eagle, The Priest of Zero (granted, this particular one got boring somewhere along the way) - those weren't updated for months. Well, at least that means that you'll be getting your chapters somewhat faster. Oh, the joy.


	5. Chapter 5

Louise woke up with a feeling that something was wrong. No, something definitely was wrong, but what exactly?

The morning sun was shining over her room, but she felt no pleasure from its warmth.

So, yesterday she went to dinner, meeting on her way her stupid familiar who, as always, was going somewhere unspecified. She really disliked that habit of his - to suddenly appear out of nowhere and to disappear after a brief moment without a trace. Well, whatever he did that wouldn't get him, and by proxy her, in trouble was fine, she thought. It's not like he disrespected her orders. At least, the orders that really mattered. Well, someday, she thought, she really needed to assign some time for proper disciplining of her familiar, so he wouldn't have any ideas. Anyway, after that, dinner proceeded normally, when she suddenly felt somewhat tired. What was strange is that most of the students suddenly felt tired too, but she couldn't deduce the reason as to why it happened. She stumbled towards her room, and then- blank.

No, there was something important, she suddenly remembered. Some sort of... paper? A letter? For the love of Founder, she couldn't remember at all. And then she passed out. She didn't even care about her clothes, she just passed out as she was at the moment. But that letter, what it concerned?

_Oh right. It's right here._

Falling out of the flashback, she reached towards the bedside table for the letter. Opening it, she noticed an item falling out of it, but disregarded it. Reading the letter's contents, she suddenly understood why she passed out. A very bad feeling crept to her heart, as she rushed out of the room towards Headmaster's office, leaving the letter inside of her room.

The letter itself was quite short, you could even call it 'a note' rather than 'a letter'.

'Mademoiselle Louise Valliere, I'm saddened to inform you that I, Fouquet of the Crumbling Dirt, have taken your familiar hostage. I assure you that no harm will be caused. If you desire to know a reason for why yours familiar was chosen, please, consult with Headmaster Osmond as I'm sure he already knows it. I apologize for your inconvenience. P.S. I attached a key to this letter. Please, pass it to the Headmaster. He'll know what it is. Send my regards to him.'

* * *

The last rays of light escaped from the sun as it settled behind horizon. Only half an hour passed since two thieves escaped from the magic academy.

The carriage was moving slowly through the foggy and lethargic forest. It was like the nature itself decided to take a vacation from climate self-regulation, and let the weather run its course. Air felt thick and viscous due to the fog's moisture. It wasn't a most pleasant experience, both representatives of unscrupulous profession thought. The carriage itself was rather ordinary - just your usual cart loaded with a stack of hay. The mage was holding the reins and steering the cart, while the pirate relaxed on top of the hay.

Fouquet donned a puzzled expression. She didn't have enough time, and she was rather shaken by the sudden turn of events that occurred, but it was already a thing of the past, as by now she was completely calm and in control of herself. And she would get the answers to her questions.

Jack was lying with a smug expression, thinking that by now Louise would've most certainly found the letter that he wrote using Fouquet's name. Of course, Fouquet didn't know anything about it. He'd need to tell her this at some point, he reckoned. His thoughts were interrupted as Fouquet's voice broke the silence that surrounded them.

"So, let me get this straight. You stole the Staff of Destruction and are currently traveling with me for what reason exactly?"

"No clue, love."

"Okay, let me rephrase that question. What reasons do I have to not to kill you right now and just take the Staff of Destruction."

"Well, I can think at least of three off the top of my head, sis." He said, his lips curving up a bit.

"Oh? Do enlighten me."

"Well, for one, it seems like you don't really like your boss." His answer stunned Fouquet, making her wince due to how close that hit the mark.

"How-"

"Don't interrupt me, love. The second reason is I can help you find whatever you're looking for. And I mean literally whatever you're looking for, whatever you actually desire."

"Now look, that's complete bull-"

"No, no it isn't. And like I said, interruptions are less that appreciated. It's not like I'm saying this for any other reason than to satisfy your curiosity." Jack's words made Fouquet somewhat angry, but she instantly calmed herself to listen. That man was too strange, too weird, too interesting to pass up whatever he was saying.

"The third and final reason is that you're actually interested in me. How I broke into that vault, how I got the Staff of Destruction and carried it out of the vault unnoticed, why do I claim such ridiculous claims like finding whatever you want and knowing about your boss, who I am to best a mage without using any magic, and even such trivial thing as knowing beforehand that you actually are the legendary thief." Jack chuckled slightly, when he noticed Fouquet twitch from his words. "So, question time?"

"How did you know that I am Fouquet, when you encountered me half an hour ago?" The mage asked him with an irritated tone.

"That was more of an educated guess, love. You see, there was that little robin who told me that you are actually a square level mage of earth element. Combining it with an observed thievish attitude that you exude whenever you think you are alone, and asking noble kids and servants for rumors of powerful earth mage thieves, it was hard not to make a connection." Fouquet felt uncomfortable. Whatever it was that tipped the pirate off about her magical abilities, it was dangerous in the hands of wrong people.

"'Little robin?'", she inquired further.

"Ah, now that would be telling, wouldn't it? Let's just say that I'm the only one who has access to that particular source of information."

"_Right, Gandalfr?_"

"_You know that it won't be so simple for you, pirate. The contract is a leash, a leash that won't be that easy to get rid of._"

"_Oh, I know that well enough._"

"_..._"

"How did you get into the vault?" Her questions started looking more like interrogation from the viewpoint of third party, if such actually would've been present.

"Trade secret, love. Let's just say that I used the door as opposed to breaking in." Fouquet visibly grumbled at these words, making a slight amused grin appear on Jack's face, but otherwise remained calm. "Any more questions?"

"Last one. How did you know that I have a 'superior', and that I dislike him?"

"Well, that was actually rather easy. If you were working alone and not on someone's orders, you would've taken the whole vault's contents with you, if you could, and I'm quite sure that you're able to do so. But you didn't seem upset when we took off with just the Staff of Destruction. And about the part where you dislike him, well, you just told me." The pirate presented a Cheshire grin at these words. It was a shame that Fouquet's back was turned and she didn't witness this. "And, next time, be a little less heavy on bitter sarcasm, love. I know what it is, to have an unpleasant person bossing you about, but it'll make your face wrinkle, you know." He was lucky that Fouquet was occupied with steering and that they were nearing the city, or otherwise he would've suffered woman's righteous fury.

* * *

She was a void mage.

Her exchange with Headmaster went smoothly, albeit unpleasantly. Osmond looked rather calm about the whole turn of events, as calm a person could be when someone steals a potentially mythical creature right under his nose, but what really nonplussed him was the key that Louise gave her. Apparently, it was a key to the vault where fabled magical artifacts of immense power resided, and it was absolutely not supposed to be here. He looked completely freaked out, as he dismissed Louise, and right after that he rushed with Professor Colbert to the vault to check its contents. Only after Louise returned to her room, the implications hit her with their hardest.

She was a void mage.

It was lunchtime, but Louise didn't even start to think about any of her down-to-earth needs. She sat down on the side of her bed and breathed. In. Out. In. Out. It was very hard not to hyperventilate. So, apparently, she was a wielder of a legendary element that was thought to be forever lost. The element that Founder himself wielded. And it was hers and only hers. Now, she would prove everyone that she is not a failure, that she is somebody who is better than everybody, she would prove her worth and seize the day. The pride of Valliere wouldn't let her fail. She would not settle on less than steel, the same steel that was her family's credo. Rule of Steel was in full effect. She would overcome any obstacle that destiny would throw at her, with neither remorse, nor regret. Her family would not be disappointed in her. And her mother, the legendary Karin of the Heavy Wind, would finally be proud of her daughter.

And about Jacques... It wasn't his fault, but if she would ever find her familiar, she would give him hell for leaving her alone.

Just a small thought about it made Louise smile a little.

* * *

They arrived to their destination at the dead of the night. The place itself, 'Charming Fairy Inn', seemed to be an ordinary sleazy inn, something that greatly pleased Jack. No matter where he went, some things stayed the same, he reckoned.

His sore feet were killing him, seeing as they ditched the carriage a few miles before reaching the city. Fouquet stole that cart and didn't want to leave any traces that could lead to their location, and they made the rest of the way on foot.

When the owner of the inn saw the sufficient amount of money, he immediately arranged for two rooms for them, no questions asked. Fouquet saw the need to ensure that Jack wouldn't escape and initially asked for one room to keep an eye on him, but Jack made her change her mind after he reminded her that she shouldn't trust him to such an extent as to put him at stretched hand distance if could easily kill her with a simple slip of blade. Granted, he didn't have such intentions, but blind trust was something he genuinely though of as a mistake. If he wanted to escape, he told her, he wouldn't have bothered to meet Fouquet in the first place. That convinced her plenty enough.

And now, Jack was sitting on a rather modest chair in his room behind a table of similar quality, and studying the so called 'Staff of Destruction'. It wasn't magical, rather, it was a remarkable piece of technology. He didn't know how he knew that, he just knew. Thanks to Gandalfr's abilities, as soon as he touched the Staff, he had innate understanding of its workings. Jack was rather surprised with this development.

"_I thought it just made me proficient in use of arms?_"

"_It's not an information that's usually given, however, I'm perfectly capable of structural analysis, as long as the item in question is made to be a weapon. You, however, are not. Thus, I can only show you visually how that staff works and what's it on inside, but you'll need to figure it out by yourself._"

Several mental simulations of firing the supposed 'staff' and a deep scan of its structure later, it left Jack impressed both with Gandalfr's abilities and the remarkable piece of craftsmanship that the Staff of Destruction was. It seemed to be some kind of grenade launcher, except that the gunpowder or whatever fuel it uses for delivering the projectile was actually coupled with it, thus leaving no residue inside after the shot. Very clever, and also useful, if you have access to the technology of mass production of such bullets, Jack reckoned.

"Oi, you're just in time, love", Jack threw the remark absentmindedly to a person who was now standing behind him and turned to face her.

"What am I in time for?" Fouquet was rather surprised to be found out so easily. She had confidence in her stealth skills, and nobles often couldn't find her even if she was hiding in plain sight.

"Well, I wanted to talk about this and that, sis. Do you know that this so called 'Staff of Destruction' is just a very advanced grenade launcher?"

"Grenade... launcher?" Fouquet was familiar with the concept of grenade. They were introduced as a weapon a few decades ago, but nobody really used them in battle, seeing as most of the mages could just use the levitation spell to hurl them away because of their rather low speed. And with magic to boot, it was disadvantageous weapon of choice. But, author would like to note that the concept of grenade launcher was still a century away from Halkeginia's technology. Fouquet intuitively understood the concept of device, but she couldn't understand why an artifact which was fabled to be immensely powerful would work on ordinary grenades, no matter how complicated the device was.

"Yes, and it's advanced enough that it can't be reproduced even with my knowledge to boot." His own knowledge wasn't so extensive, but telling her that he was from another world was a no-go. "Well, nevermind that, love. I actually wanted to talk about what we're going to do next. I don't suppose that you're heading anywhere near Albion, are you?"

"And what if I do?", Fouquet asked inquisitively in a careful tone. "Are you heading towards Albion?"

"As a matter of fact, yes." Jack laid aside the Staff of Destruction and took the map from the table he was sitting at. "You see, I need to get rid of these runes, but only partially, and thus, killing my master would've been detrimental."

"Runes? What- Oh, right, familiar, forgot that. And you think that you will be able to find someone who will be able to help you?"

"Yes, exactly. Little robin told me where to search for someone or something with help of which I could get rid of them."

She examined the map which Jack took out. There was a line handdrawn with a starting point at where the Tristain Academy of Magic was situated and ending point at the city gate that they passed through about an hour ago, and there were two notches which indicated the needed angles. If you triangulated the third point of this triangle, you would end up in...

"What the hell...", she whispered in shock.

"You said something, love?"

"No, nothing", she lied succinctly.

"You know, I don't really care if you go with me or not, but company is always nice, don't you think?" Fouquet acknowledged his words, but her thoughts were quite distant at the moment, as she tried to figure out why was it that this location was chosen by the pirate.

_The forest where the orphanage is?_

But what did it mean? Who would be able to help him there? And then, the answer struck her like a lightning in a clear day.

_Tiffania..._

There was no way she was going to let him off alone there. Everything she valued in her life was situated there. Her sister, innocent children - it was only due to threats to the orphanage issued by her 'superior' that she was still working with Wardes. It was fortunate that she indeed needed to go to Albion to rendezvous with Wardes and advance Reconquista plans.

"Well, you're in luck, because I'm also going to Albion just like you said, and I don't mind a little detour", she said with a fake smile on her face. This tipped off Jack that she was lying, but he knew better than to pry. At least, for now.

"Well, that's one question off the checklist."

After a brief discussion of what they were going to do next, Fouquet excused herself, leaving Jack alone in his room.

There was only one thought when Jack went to sleep later that night.

_Hope this inn serves rum._

* * *

A/N:

I went somewhat anachronistic here, but whatever. Tying loose ends, showing Jack's cunning, et cetera. Little of note here, actually.

I'm rather satisfied with my job on this chapter. It feels just like it should, integral and coherent. Somewhat lacking in terms of content, but nice nonetheless.

Flintlock grenade launchers were actually very common during the 18th century. The more you know. I'd also like to remind you that Halkeginia's technology is on a level of late 16th century, thus making Jack's knowledge superior.

Enjoy.

P.S. If you're slightly confused, the chronological order of paragraphs is 2-4-1-3.


End file.
